I tried to vote today.
Of course that’s not the story. I vote in every election, if I’m able. Last year (I think it was last year) I voted by filling in circles with an ink pen, just like I did on high school tests back in the olden days.
But technology has finally arrived to the backwoods corner of my world. This morning at 7:15, I arrived at the polling place to find brand new touch screen voting machines. The poll workers felt obligated to teach me how to use them. Not that I couldn’t figure it out by myself.
So I slide in the ballot to get things going and start touching away. I knew some of the candidates, but rather than vote for people I don’t know anything about, I’ll skip to the next office until I see a candidate in which I have some confidence. On these new machines, it meant I touched “Next”. I did that a lot.
I finally finished and then the machine started making me review all my choices. I didn’t have time to do that. I had to drive to Lexington. More on that in a little bit. I needed to end the voting exercise. So I hit “Exit.”
And out came my ballot.
I took it to the next station where it was inserted into the magic vote counting machine. The magic machine spit it back out. They tried again. Same result.
“Did you hit Exit?”
“You weren’t supposed to do that.”
“You should have hit Print.”
“Hey, Jimmy. He hit Exit. What do we do?”
“He should have hit Print.”
“That’s what I told him.”
“Try it again.”
“We did. It didn’t work.”
They huddled to consider the options.
“Nevermind. I have to go.”
“But sir. We’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t have time.”
They were still huddled when I left.
It’s ok. The people I vote for never win anyway.