Author’s Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are opinions and as with most opinions, they cannot be verified by any supporting factual evidence, which is especially true in this case, as the author has absolutely no experience in being interesting. In fact, if he wanted to be factual, he would change the name of the article to Ten Rules for Being Uninteresting, and just describe himself. Maybe he should take that approach and reverse engineer this whole interesting/uninteresting phenomenon.
Here we go.
Rule One: Don’t talk in terms of reverse engineering and don’t use the word phenomenon.
Rule Two: Be the kind of person other people like. There is no how-to for this rule. You either got it or you don’t. But we’re not talking about winning a popularity contest here, we’re talking about being interesting. Apples and oranges. Or at least clementines and tangerines.
Rule Three: Don’t read books by Ha Jin. Or if you do, don’t tell anybody. You’re better off if you know who Doosledorf is. Doogledrone. Dumbledore. I had to look it up. (Google Harry Potter.)
Rule Four: Learn to fish. Talk about small-mouth and walleye. This only works with certain people.
Rule Five: Travel extensively. Trips to Wallback and Big Ugly apparently don’t count.
Rule Six: Shop at Kroger, or whatever big, overcrowded supermarket is in your area. People love to talk about their horrific experiences while being forced to shop at stores with great selection and low prices. Relating your own experience will make you more, well, relatable.
Rule Seven: Shop at Walmart. See Rule Six. Same, but different.
Rule Eight: You know, maybe there’s just seven rules.
Rule Nine: Oh, I thought of another one. Ask people about their favorite restaurants. People love to talk about eating and they will appreciate your interest in their dining habits. Don’t tell them that you think Wendy’s makes great baked potatoes. It will destroy your restaurant street cred.
Rule Ten: When it doubt, play like Chauncey Gardner. “In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.” Ahhh. Very wise man. Except he really was just talking about gardening, because he was, after all, Chance, the gardener. Peter Sellers in Being There. Stick to Harry Potter.
December 29, 2016 at 10:11 pm
I am howling with laughter. If you ever move to Minnesota, the smallmouth and walleye talk will have you In Like Flint. I actually know someone who uses the name, “Walleye Dan”.
December 29, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Chauncey Gardner goes fishing.
December 29, 2016 at 10:28 pm
This is just like television, only you can see much further.
December 29, 2016 at 10:30 pm
Yep. That’s me, Chauncey.
December 29, 2016 at 10:43 pm
I almost peed my pants in the first paragraph!!! Great read.
December 29, 2016 at 10:53 pm
The truth can be funny.
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December 30, 2016 at 9:41 am
My great grandmother lived in Big Ugly, so it counts as interesting with me. Fun article! I’m working on setting up my web site – not an easy thing! Happy New Year, Joe!
December 30, 2016 at 9:48 am
Thanks, Jonie. The basic website stuff isn’t hard, it’s just learning all the tricks to make it better. Look forward to seeing it live. Happy New Year to you as well!
December 30, 2016 at 10:25 am
I go between being frustrated and really excited. I have so much “stuff” that I’ve done and want to do, so this seems like a great venue for it. I foresee a lot of computer time and sitting on my butt – good thing I joined a gym! For the first time, I feel like I can concentrate on writing. The kids are gone, I’m no longer teaching, and we’ve moved to what I think will be our permanent location. Our house is on a marsh – it’s very peaceful here and I created an office upstairs in a bedroom that has a very pleasing view – though I’ve read that the writing should be the view. How are the books going?
December 30, 2016 at 11:05 am
It sounds like you have no excuses! Just need a little discipline and it will get done. It also sounds like you have the perfect place to get it done. It will be interesting to see what kind of writing your view inspires. I’m working on another book. My latest went nowhere on Amazon, and that’s my new expectation. I may put one of my others on Amazon as well. May even do a hard copy just to have it on the shelf. Looking forward to reading your work.